Trying to figure out the directions to life

Let me start off this post by stating that I am in an incredibly content space of mind. Content does not mean complacent. Just as growth due to a difficult challenge isn’t easy nor the end of said challenge.

In reflecting on the past year, 2019 was one of the extreme obstacles. 2018 was a year of turmoil and aside from getting my degree, it was a messed up one. So I took all of those hard-earned life lessons into 2019. For one, I am a very determined person and if I set my mind to it, I will achieve it. Which isn’t always good or what life has planned for me. So 2020 I plan to be more accepting of the subtle flow and “nudges from the universe”.

2019 started off with me feeling somewhat lost, unhappy but I had already begun a mental health journey which was in no way easy and often made me question whether it was working. I had planned to embrace being single, free from controlling personas, I felt like I needed a purpose in my career and at times felt completely helpless. I mean is this how I wanted to spend the last year of my 20’s?

Oh no, firstly the most amazing man came into my life and him being as stubborn as I am, I finally caved. From our first date, we have been a solid unit. As with all relationships, there are ups and downs but our quirks are in-line with one another and although others say we are very alike, what we are is very understanding of one another’s faults, weaknesses and of course positives too. Together we have made a house, a home, along with our very own daughter… okay she is a pomeranian but she is not a “dog dog”. I never knew I could feel so much love.

Towards the middle of the year, I faced a massive mental battle. If I could share any statement which I wish everyone could understand is that: You can be happy and depressed at the same time. One is a state of mind and the other is an illness. To admit your lowest low to those you love and have them be supportive and accepting is one of the greatest gifts one could receive. Also the braveness I experienced in “admitting defeat” which wasn’t defeat at all. One person can not win a war. We all need tools, support and guidance. This will always be a part of my life journey and for 2020 I plan to take care of myself more and most importantly appreciate my tenacity and strength to still be here today.

Career-wise there are so many doors open for me and I am often torn between the creative and the monetary aspects. Especially for my mental health. I plan to work on this area of my life more this year. 2018 was the year of lessons, 2019 the year of growth and 2020 the year of success.

What do you hope for the year ahead?

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