Let me start by saying that it will be disrespectful of me to boast about celebration during such a challenging time for so many. Even the most seemingly minor events are celebrated during this time far more than ever before but without the excess, we once used to express joy and gratitude. Raw human emotions matter more than a picture-perfect party for Instagram. Hence the inverted commas in my heading.
On the 13th of May 2020, I turned 30 years old. A monumental time and an emotional shift for majority. When we were young then 30 was a benchmark. Journals were filled with ideas of the perfect wedding, house, 2.2 kids, white picket fence. Then as reality started to set in that with the economy being the way it is and a number of other factors trickling in and blurring those perfect lines. We realised that life can’t be planned. Also, where would the fun be if every stage of your life was simply a checklist.
I may have a wonderful boyfriend, 2 dogs (who I count as our kids) we share a beautiful home and even during the lockdown we have managed to stay afloat. These are the things that matter.
Throughout the phases of my life my concept of turning 30 would change drastically, at one point the whole family and perfect, by society’s standards, was a goal. Then I decided I wanted to never be tied down, to rebel and isolate. Oh, the irony there. Then I swung to wanting to be engaged by 25 and married by 30. Looking back now why did I put so much pressure on myself to reach “goals”.
As some of you know from reading my blog, depression has always and will always be a part of my life. And as with depression, it starts to build a seed which the more you fixate on the more it grows and so was my fascination with the “27 Club”. Basically an age where a number of successful celebrities passed away either self-induced or mysteriously. To me, 27 appeared to be the perfect age to die. I would have lived the best parts of my life, and I really did live my teens and early 20s to their fullest. I’d would never have to reach the stressful period of my life with turning 30 and ageing. This part was more thanks to anxiety.
Well as you can tell, I made it to 30 and let me tell you those three years in-between 27 and now were some of the most important transformative years. Especially in emotionally and mentally ways.
And so I spent my 30th at home with my boyfriend, my two fur babies, a bottle of secretly hidden MCC. Richard also managed to arrange an adorable freshly made pink, white and caramel cake and sushi from a small business. The sushi was some of the best I’ve ever had.
Even a surprise flower delivery from my sister and later one from my mum, who I miss so much. I might not have had the massive party, seen my mum and family or friends. But I was safe and healthy. I had a warm place to sleep that night, a full stomach and felt proud of myself for persevering and making it to 30.